


Back to school

by jharkens



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drarry, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 10:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8621551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jharkens/pseuds/jharkens
Summary: After the war, the surviving students return to school to finish their education for year seven, including the infamous Draco Malfoy. Harry tries his best to blame the now depressed self-loathing Malfoy and consider him a force of evil but knowing those feelings are false what repressed feelings lurk beneath the surface?





	1. Chapter 1

"You think you've changed? Or do you just want us to think you've changed!? Protective Malfoy, Quiet Malfoy, SAD Malfoy."

This was the part Draco hated, the worst part was about to come, the part that made him want to turn and run before he had to see it.  
Harry's words were thick with emotion but the anger always melted into sadness.

"Do you have any idea how many people died Malfoy?! How many people suffered? You helped them. You helped HIM, he killed-... SO many people. You helped him." Harry's voice cracked and his eyes had become red with the stress of holding back tears.   
Draco could feel his own face sting, his stomach drop and his heart tear its self apart once again. He didn't walk away he just stood staring at the broken warrior who's life he helped tear to pieces at every turn, even before Voldemort took him.

"Why?" Harry asked breathlessly.  
What was Draco supposed to say? 'He would have killed me'? 'He would have killed my family'? None of it mattered, in the end, he betrayed the side of good. He had made his choice, his life had been more important than everyone else's, and so this was the punishment, surviving.   
Harry stepped closer to Malfoy brimming with emotion, anger was back in his voice now but he couldn't hide the sadness that stained his words with a tremor, "Tell me why." When he got no reply Harry let out a shaky sigh that held the last of his anger, when he spoke again all that was left was the broken sadness and disappointment, "You can't be evil Malfoy. No one is just evil. Tell me, please. I want to know you aren't I need to." The strength only returned to his voice for the last sentiment. Harry waited unwavering for any answer he could get.

When Draco spoke tears fell with his shaky broken voice, "HE was."  
Harry knew who he meant but he had no reply, what could he say to someone who saw themselves as as bad as the worst wizard to ever live.   
"My dad was, the death eaters were," Now that Draco started to talk he couldn't seem to stop his trembling lips from pouring out his burning thoughts, "I fought with them, I'm just as bad as them. I'm glad I survived,I'm glad I'm still here. Dying wouldn't have been enough. I--"

"SHUT UP MALFOY!" screamed Harry. He was buzzing with confliction, he wanted to be able to blame Malfoy, in reality he DID want to believe Malfoy was evil but he didn't and he couldn't. Was it fair that even he knew that and Draco didn't?   
"Voldemort never cried, Draco. He never mourned, he didn't regret anything except losing. You are nothing like him." The venom in Harry's voice didn't match the consolation of his words but Draco didn't want to listen to what he had to say.

"You said it yourself, blood is on my hands. I don't want your sympathy, the only reason I don't want your hatred is because of it h-" Draco stopped short, biting his lips through his unspoken words, he didn't plan on telling his ex-nemesis that he hated seeing him so torn, who was he to say something like that? If he didn't want to hurt Harry he shouldn't have been the worst part of his day since they were eleven years old.

Harry just shook his head and walked around Malfoy, heading back to where he belonged, with his friends. And so Malfoy wiped his wet face, cursing himself violently inside his mind as he walked toward the Slytherin dungeons.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Draco sat by the lake watching ripples grow and fade, it had become his favorite place to be, other than Harry's rarely seen good side. The lake was the only place that he didn't think about everything he did and everything he helped happen.

"Can I sit?" came Harry's voice from behind causing a massive flinch, turning Malfoy instinctually around.  
"Sorry! I should have thought first," Harry apologized, raising his hands in a sign of peace.  
Draco turned back to the lake and gave a half nod to the dark haired boy behind him. 

Pushing his newly replaced glasses back up his nose the Gryffindor lowered himself next to the brooding boy to his left and pulled out the words he had been practicing all night and day: "Malfoy, it's not your fault." The words still came out hard and cold but he knew it was true and he meant it honestly.  
"I don't want that, Potter!" snapped Draco preparing another argument of self-loathing, but Harry had expected this reply. He already knew what Draco wanted and maybe that's why it was so easy to channel his pain at the war-torn boy, because it is exactly what he wanted.

Now Harry was sick of it from both sides, he was going to say what he really thought for once, not what he wanted to think. "Yes, Malfoy, I know. What you want is to sit in misery and pain, torturing yourself. You want to feel hated because you think you're bad but Ya know what? You're NOT. I have no idea why you even think that!" Harry was yelling now but he didn't yell it at Malfoy, he just kept looking over the Slytherins favorite lake as he vented his wound up mind. "You're such an easy scapegoat but what the hell did you DO?! Did you kill innocent people out of spite or hatred? Or worse for fun, like half the death eaters? Did you join Voldemort for power?" His voice was slowly lowering again as he spoke, finally being honest with himself and his resentment, "Did you even want to? ...No."

Draco opened his mouth to speak but Harry instantly cut him off: "No!" now he looked at Draco trying to capture his pale eyes, "There is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't help you Malfoy. You were trapped in fear, and suffering and I couldn't help you anymore than I could help any of the people who died in the war. And NO I'm not blaming myself either, it was their war too and they fought for what they believed in. But you do have to admit Draco... I hardly even tried. I cried for every life lost, and every wounded person but I didn't even try to help you. What, a few empty words in the heat of a fight? Yeah, what an attempt.."

"I don't blame you," said Malfoy unsure of how he felt at the moment but entirely sure that it wasn't Harry's fault in any way.  
"No, I know. I'm not asking you to, I'm not saying you should, but you shouldn't blame yourself for things you didn't do. You stood with your family under pain of death, or worse. You were never evil, Draco, I was just too blind to see that."

"I should have died fourth year," Draco said coldly, hiding the effect that Harry's words were having on him, he didn't want to listen, he still felt a black stain on his heart and mind, "I should have taken the punishment and you know it. That year or any year after it, any day after that, I could have said no. I should have refused, like you would have."  
"And then you'd be dead, Malfoy! And DONT say that would be a good thing!" Harry stood now turning to face the boy that sat beneath him staring over still water, "I don't want you dead. I'm just as glad that you're still here as you are but maybe your reasons are the wrong ones."

Draco rolled his wet, reddening eyes, "Oh please, Potter, you wouldn't have minded at the time would you have? You've always hated me."  
"Yes, I would care! And yes, I did hate you, Draco," as he spoke with rising emotion Harry fell to his knees face- to-face with this seemingly unfixable boy, "but what about when I found out how brave you were? I would carry this guilt with me through my entire life. You're a better person than you think and I would never have gotten to tell you that.. I would have only realized how good you are by losing you! I would only know that I lived my life hating a wonderful man."

Draco's steel eyes turned to meet the green of Harry's before he dropped his gaze once again and looked back to the lake.  
"A wonderful man?... How can someone like you say that to someone like me? I was cowardly and always jealous of you, I wanted your friends, your fame, your bravery.. I wanted you and I wanted to be you." Draco whispered with a scoff, "Precious Potter grew up to be savior of our world Potter and I stayed exactly the way I was."  
Harry stayed silent as annoyance and disbelief grew in his impatience, he let out a small sigh, "You're right," he admitted, "you're just as overdramatic as always."

No one had seen Draco's smile in years and Harry felt lucky to get to see it after such a long time. Harry couldn't help smiling as he took in the sight, he didn't think Draco had ever actually smiled at him, they had always been enemies. Harry never knew what he was missing until now.  
"I haven't seen you smile in a long time," Draco said, finally looking at Harry.

"Yeah, same.." replied the Gryffindor who's emerald eyes seemed to be glued to the Slytherin next to him. Harry pulled himself to his feet and extended a large hand to take Draco's smaller snowy one, pulling him from the ground.  
Draco had been planning on staying for a little while but he'd never pass a chance like this. 

The two walked toward Gryffindor tower together, all of their classmates used the common room as a hang-out of sorts. Draco rarely went because of Harry's animosity, he only went if he was asked which surprisingly did happen from time to time.  
When the pair walked in a couple of the more obnoxious students mock cheered, some sent silent glances anywhere from smirks to glares. Hermione was reading on the couch in front of the fire and gave the two a wide smile when she saw them. She quickly jumped up from the middle and politely insisted that the two sat next to one another. While Draco assumed she didn't want to have sit next to him (and he didn't blame her,) her actual goal was to ensure the pair stayed next to the other.  
The three shared a stimulating, if not confusing conversation, for a bit, covering a plethora of topics that only Hermione really understood (although Draco kept up much better than Harry could.) It wasn't long until Hermione noticed the time and hoped up chirping about her schedule as she fluttered around the common room collecting her books in her arms and lugging them out routinely. 

Soon the other students filtered out as well, after all even war survivors still had classes.  
"Are you still too good to cut class?" Malfoy asked hopefully, his voice beginning to be re-touched with his old Slytherin mischief.  
"Hm," Harry pretending to have to consider the suggestion before agreeing, "I think I can afford to miss one or two classes."


End file.
